I’ll be 38 this year.

Both my children will be adults and for the first time in my life I’m going to cause a little commotion.

I grew up in broken homes, bounced around, slept on floors and felt completely in the way and invisible at the same time my whole life. This year I am completely saying fuck everyone, I am no longer walking on eggshells or putting anyone but myself first.

1. I’ve been a Mother since I was 17, and although it was hard growing up along side my children I will forever be grateful for the path. However, the years have been filled with disrespect from their paternal relatives, my children and surrounded parties. I have never been a perfect mother, but I know for a fact the things that I have endured I did not deserve. as parents we make sacrifices for our children without expecting anything in return, right? Even if they’ve used you as an emotional punching bag? No more tolerating that, if can’t be respected as a human being with feelings I no longer want to be a part of it. boundaries will be set with everyone.
2. Working at work. Fun times working for a Non-Profit (sarcasm). I tend to over extend myself when working for others. Im like an octopus at home and work honestly. But at work, it’s different I tend to pick up the slack for those around me. Im smart enough to know that they’re definitely taking advantage of me. But I still do it, and then I”m upset because I know that no one would do these things for me. I’m overworked and frustrated. Which applies to every part of life it feels like. Complaining about it over and over is annoying me and I’m 1000% sure my family and friends are tired of hearing it too. So the goal is to do less like everyone else. If it’s not in my job description, it won’t be done by me. This will be the plan until I find a way to get out of the situation.
3. Doing for others, when they aren’t doing for me. People pleasers will understand this one. Overextending for people that just take. Yes, they may not understand that this is what they are doing.. although most do. This stems for me from making other peoples lives easier to distract from the fact that I was there or the fact that I may only know how to mother after all these years. But it no longer feels good to do it with nothing in return. It is now expected of me. And now that I say no i’m getting attitude and nastiness. So, everyone will be hearing no from me a lot more frequently.
4. Continuing Boundaries with my Parents. It’s hard to talk about parents and how you were raised because the three stories will never be the same. I can remember the lack of presence and to nurture when I was younger. Adults with childhood trauma are the adults to their parents now. We come when they call to avoid the tantrums, fix the messes that we didn’t make but will be blamed on us anyway and keep their lives together at times. I remember always being that daughter. They don’t, I’ve spent years in therapy and on medication for things I endured as a child. I will no longer play victim, however I will no longer be pressured to act like everything is ok though.
5. Bending over backwards as a Parent. My kids have become disrespectful. There’s no other way to put it. It’s getting old and I will no longer put up with it at this point. It’s me or them, and now that they’re adults. It’s me. I will no longer pay phone bills when they have jobs, cook for them when they’ve been home all day or accept when they get snappy with me.