My first year of being single was interesting to say the least. If you’ve read some of my past post you’ve probably noticed that I haven’t had the best luck with men. I blame myself partially, I’ve always known why that is. My self love meter has been on “meh” for maybe about 5 years. The saying “you can’t love anybody else, until you love yourself’’, comes to mind. I’ve realized that depression has an affect on mental and physical relationships. For a year I am choosing not to have physical encounters with anyone. I will use this time to focus on who I am, what I want & how I am going to work on separating the physical and mental relationships that I want to build.
Loneliness is a bitch, and many people can agree that you can totally be lonely sleeping in a bed next to a person. I could never be a healthy person or be in a healthy relationship in this state that I am. This half broken female.
I’ve noticed that mind blowing sex doesn’t happen unless you like the person. Good sex happens all the time if your lucky.. intimacy and love while having sex is to be shared with someone you feel like you truly love. The avenues that can be explored when there’s a mutual goal is AMAZING! I think that you don’t get that from one night stands, or booty calls. By convincing ourselves that its ok to do these things and that everyone else is doing it is why or worlds love and humanity is lacking and our hatred for one another is at an all time high.
Just because I’m choosing a sexless life doesn’t mean that I’m choosing a loveless life. I’m just deciding to take a different route to my sex. It’s easy to text a person say come over or I want to fuck and them respond. But how many would say yes to coming over and actually watching Netflix eating dinner and not end up with a hand down your pants before the movie ended? Or going to dinner and the desert actually being whats on the table at the restaurant and not you spread on a couch.
I’ve met some amazing men, shared love for a lot of them.