Love

Use to Love U. 💜

broken-heart

Use to Love U. 💜

Old head, the Perfect mistake & He could be the one.. maybe. The 3 loves of my life. The 3 men that shaped my heart into this beating black hole being held together by band aids, chewing gum and dental floss it is today. How ironic that I thank all of them for the experiences that I’ve had with them. The sex, the arguments and the growth that was our long or short term relationships.

Let’s start with The Perfect Mistake. My longest love, the man I thought I would eventually marry. Although it was never discussed, probably for good reason. We started strong maybe it was because we had knew each other for many years before we actually got together. The man that accepted my kids as his own, came into my house and supported my every decision with care and no hesitation. And loved me beyond anything that I could imagine. Perfect right? The single moms dream… accepts kids ✔️ support system ✔️ loves me unconditionally ✔️.

So how’d it end? Why? Read the relationship 1 & 2. I have no regrets on loving him, in fact I loved the growth that we both made in or years together. Do I still have love for him? Ofcourse! I know that love isn’t a switch and can’t be turned on and off like so. But I know that when it’s time to let go then that’s what needs to happen.

Next up, He could be the one.. maybe. I truly loved this work in progress. I loved everything about him, we were total opposites. Like oil and vinegar, at times I felt like his parent. I constantly felt the need to check on him and make sure that he was ok. But I knew that if I needed anything he would be there no questions asked. The crazy thing is im not even sure if we were ever together. We never dated, but in the beginning he was all I wanted to be around. I needed his hugs, his craziness and his hands to wipe the tears that I had at the time. Now that I think about it I’m curious to know if he was my rebound. Hell no it was definitely more than that. I think about him daily. Do we talk everyday, nope. But I hope he knows that he always have a place right in my soul.. right near my favorite boob. The left one if your curious. And that I still love him to this day although I don’t think he would ever believe me.

Finally, we get to the old head. Who admittedly was my shortest but no doubly the most eye opening of my relationships. I had never dated someone this much older than me. Will I tell you how much older.. ofcourse not. I’ll let you guess. It was different with this one. We did things that made my heart light up, made me feel absolutely gorgeous everyday that we were together. The little things mattered the care he put in to me, and how he showed me how he cared had my confidence through the roof. By this point you’re probably like well how the hell did this end?? Me ofcourse, I wasn’t ready for him. I had unresolved issues that I couldn’t bring into a relationship and I pushed. Do I regret it, yes. To this day I think about how happy I could’ve been if I wasn’t so difficult and if he would just forgive me.

The point of this is to bring my flaws to my own attention. To bring to my attention the things that I want when building a lasting relationship when I am eventually ready. We tend to jump into things because we’re lonely or need attention and that never begins or ends well.

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