The sad thing about finding attention somewhere else is that you break a heart. I don’t think that anyone ever plans for that to be the outcome. I also think that when you are the one that breaks the heart you automatically get the rep of bad guy. Everything story has 2 sides, it’s like a unwritten law or something. I knew that making the decision to end it would result in me being called a cheater and every other name that was related to our situation. But I made sure to let myself know that a relationship doesn’t involve one person there’s 2 adults involved. I had to accept my blame and try to move on with my life. And so did he.
At this point I had ended one relationship and unknowingly ended up in another unofficial one. I had accidentally put a guy in a rebound situation. That’s never good, when things got too serious I ran. And I now realize that I broke his heart which brings my count to 2. I knew I had feelings for him, but I also knew that I damn sure wasn’t ready to be someones girlfriend right now. And instead of being completely honest I was mean and ignored him, which pushed him away. So obviously at this point I was a complete mess!
So now I was lonely. Right? A Single Mom in her late 20’s who could possibly want that baggage, right? I should just ball up in a corner and cry. Because I was going to be alone for the rest of my life, right? Wrong! I felt like I could live again, like mental chains had been lifted. Some may say that saying that I was free is bit harsh, but didn’t I deserve to be loved? Isn’t that something I should fight for? In due time though, I’d be crazy to jump into something so soon. Regardless of feelings in reality I had to tell myself I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship.
Were there guys interested as soon as I came back on the market? YES! man listen my DM’s and Facebook messages started seeing a lot more attention. Was I interested? In some.. it was a boost to my confidence which needed a pick me up. I felt ugly and unappreciated at times, and the attention was the greatest feeling ever! But on the other hand I felt like it was time for Taja (ME) to figure out what it was that her (MY) life was missing. I couldn’t love anyone else fully until I figured out who it was that I want to be and love myself for awhile.
First and foremost I had to check on the kids, because this breakup included them too.